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Life’s Weird – Part 4

Get the kids out of the room. Here come some bad words.

I don’t yell very often. I’d say I rarely yell, and when I do it’s not even really yelling. It’s not that I think I’m somehow above it, I’m definitely not. I’m just really bad at it, so I try not to. When I do yell, I just get slightly louder than normal with a frustrated tone, often using the wrong words and not making any sense at all …always proud moments for me.

The last few weeks have been crazy, and I now I need to yell.

Hey, Blue Apron. Fuck you.

Stop sending me your shit and officially let me know that I’ve actually canceled my account this time. Your overpriced food is convenient and usually pretty good, but I don’t want it! I liked the idea at first, it was great to try new recipes, but I don’t want it every week. And to avoid the weekly delivery, I have to go on your website and choose to skip the following week’s delivery. I’m glad I can do that for several weeks in advanced, but eventually, I forget to check the date and then, BAM, I get an email saying a bunch of food I didn’t order will arrive tomorrow — usually right after I go to the store and buy a week’s worth of food. And you know what, the worst part of the surprise delivery is that I appreciate the business model behind it. Seriously, fuck you. You’re really good at what you do, and that makes it’s even more annoying.

Yes, you heard me. You’re really fucking good at what you do. I admit it. That being said, you have problems. Here are a few quick things I’ve noticed.

Your recipes come with the estimated amount of time it takes to cook each meal. Fucking double it. I’ve never been able to come close to the numbers you put down.

Maybe I’m just a bad cook and don’t understand what I’m doing, but your instructions are confusing as hell. If I were sitting in a quiet room with just 2 things in front of me — 1 being your single page instructions on how to cook a simple hamburger and the other being a very large book on how to fly a space shuttle to the moon — I’m certain dinner that night would end up consisting of splitting BBQ spare ribs with Harry Caray. It would just be easier to do.

Now that takes me to last night.

First off, you forgot to include the cooking instructions in the surprise delivery this week. It just wasn’t in the box. That type of thing will happen from time to time, and you’re even prepared for it. I was able to pull up my delivery history and get all info right from my phone. Good work — except somehow it’s even more confusing to read online because you put links to your other meals / wines / cooking tips / etc. all right next to it. It get’s overwhelming and that pushed me over the edge last night and I still don’t forgive you.

My wife had a rough day yesterday and my one goal was to make a nice dinner for her to end a long day. I couldn’t do that for her – and it’s your fault.

Not really, but I’m blaming you anyway. No, it’s not fair for me to do that, but I don’t give a shit. It’s payback for all the times you’ve made me feel like a complete moron with your difficult to understand cooking instructions.

Sorry Blue Apron, you don’t deserve this – but fuck off.

Clearly, Blue Apron isn’t at fault for last nights frustrations. It’s me, well kind of – really it’s the brain tumor that I first mentioned a few days ago. It’s located on my left temporal lobe and is adding pressure onto two parts of my brain. Those two parts impact my ability to read and process words – not all the type, but sometimes. That means my writing is slower, my proofreading less accurate, at times I may use the wrong words and won’t even notice or I may not be able to remember a simple everyday word. Most annoyingly, I won’t be able to say a good friend’s name from time to time. So if that happens, I apologize. I still know exactly who you are, I just may not be able to actually say your name for a little bit.

It all sounds worse than it really is. Yes, it is frustrating and annoying, but it isn’t that big of a deal. All of it comes back. I’m not forgetting anything or anyone. I just can’t always get the correct words out when I want to. Or, in the case of last night, connect words together to understand what I’m actually reading. It all comes back, it just requires patience — and a sense of humor.

Life’s weird – sometimes I think I’m about to completely lose it and yell, but I end up just laughing instead. Again, I don’t take credit for that – but I sure do appreciate it when it happens.

Oh, and sorry again to Blue Apron. They’re good people and worth checking out if you dislike planning meals for each week. I just needed to throw an irrational fit for a moment.

Featured image: Lombard Street, San Francisco, California. (Life’s Weird – Part 5)

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Life’s Weird – Part 3

This post is going to start off a little different. I want to take a moment to explain what started these “Life’s Weird” posts. I’ll get back on track after a quick summary.

I didn’t really plan this Life’s Weird series out. To be honest, I still don’t have a plan for it. I have no idea how many “Life’s Weird” posts there will end up being. I have no idea what the next one will be about. I have no idea when I’ll get the next one written.

My only goal when starting this was to share the truth on what’s going on in my life and how it affects me. I don’t believe I’m that intelligent, I don’t think I’m particularly well spoken, I’m certainly not in great shape, I’m just an average guy… maybe a big nerd, but overall fairly normal.

My qualifications for sharing any type of life advice are nonexistent. I’m totally aware of that, and I want to make sure it’s very clear that is not my intention for writing these posts.

I don’t believe anything I write will be groundbreaking, some of my writing may not even make sense, but I feel as though God is asking me to share a few of my thoughts anyway. I really can’t explain why I feel as though God is asking me to do so, but it is how I feel. My only guess is that someone needs help and God is asking me to help them by sharing my journey. That somehow, my words will help provide them with some comfort, even if it’s just simply being aware that they’re not alone.

That’s why I’m writing. It’s not about me, I’m just sharing my journey because I feel as though I am being asked to.

I have a confession. I’m a huge people watcher.

I’m definitely an introvert and I love to be in my own quiet areas, but people fascinate me. I really don’t enjoy being in crowded areas at all, it stresses me out – but a quiet bench several yards away, that’s my spot. I can only assume I often look like the creepy guy who just stares, but sometimes I can’t help it. I find people amazing.

It’s amazing to see how people react to things around them when they think they’re alone versus when they know other people are with them. It’s amazing to see how people react to things out of their control. It’s amazing to see what one person does when they’re surprised by something versus how another person reacts. It’s amazing to see how different two people can be in the way they look, yet how similar they are in the way the act. I really enjoy just watching people and I appreciate how different we all are, yet how connected we are at the same time.

While we all are very different, one thing that connects us is fear. We all understand what fear is and how it feels to be truly afraid.

A lot of things scare me. Some are normal and rational fears, but most are completely random and have absolutely no real reason to ever cross my mind. My last few weeks have consisted of the normal rational fears. The type of fears you know there’s a chance you’ll have to face at some point in your life, you just hope to be ready for it when it happens.

Things I now know…

  • Waking up in the hospital is scary.
  • Not being able to remember anything of what happened is scary.
  • Hearing words that you don’t fully understand, and can’t comprehend at that moment because your mind feels off, is scary.
  • Hearing your brain was scanned, which you don’t remember happening, and they saw things that concern them is scary.
  • Being sent home and told to relax and recover is comforting. It means they’re really not worried about you health wise, but having to try to relax, recover and wait to learn more is difficult and at times scary.
  • Not knowing what is really going on, still not being able to remember anything of what really happened, and days later still not being able to fully process what is going on around you is terrifying.

For me, the unknown during the waiting game was/is the worst part. There was a lot of time to just sit and think. To think about all the scary words that I may have to hear soon. The words I feared most, the ones I really don’t even understand, began to pop up more frequently as the days went by. During the day I could distract myself, but at night they’d come back as I tried to fall asleep. They’d keep me awake for hours. I’d finally fall asleep, but the same words would be in my dreams. I’d wake up still thinking about them, unable to truly tell if I had even fallen asleep in the first place.

After a few days, the fear became normal. It didn’t go away, but the way it felt changed. Yes, it was still scary but it actually became more of an annoyance than a fear. It reminded me of a dull pain, I would completely forget about it for a while, but then it would pop up again just to remind me that it’s still around.

With that all being said, it wasn’t a bad experience. It sounds much worse than it really was. While that is the truth of what was happening, it isn’t an accurate description of how it affected me.

Despite all of what I mentioned, despite the fear that I couldn’t keep out of my head, it wasn’t what was on my mind the most. The things that have been on mind the most are all positive, and that’s been an amazing blessing that has been given to me.

Even in the hospital, before I knew what was going on, I already felt incredibly lucky, loved and blessed by God. One of my first thoughts I can remember is being incredibly thankful for everything that had happened both that day and even years before. I was thankful for my wife, for our family, for those who were able to help me when I needed it, for all our amazing friends and for so much more. My mind was completely filled with positive, comforting thoughts — and I don’t get credit for that, it wasn’t my choice, it was a gift given to me when I needed it. That gift helped me from the beginning and continues to help me each day.

Moving off of how it affected me and back onto the what happened part of the post.

Fear is a very weird part of life.

“For me, the unknown during the waiting game was/is the worst part. There was a lot of time to just sit and think. To think about all the scary words that I may have to hear soon.”

After several days and several more scans, it was time to walk back into the hospital and meet with my neurosurgeon. Time to learn if any of my recent fears are rational. Time to discover if the words that scare me most are worth fearing.

Walking into the hospital was a weird feeling, a combination of fear, excitement and comfort. Fear: scared to hear the words. Excitement: ready to hear the words no matter what they were. Comfort: knowing I’ll have some answers soon.

The words I was most afraid of and scared to hear: Brain Tumor and Cancer. The words I heard, Brain Tumor and possible Cancer.

Life’s weird – thinking of those words was scary, actually hearing them wasn’t. It wasn’t even a big deal. (Full update on what all this actually means will be published soon. Done, check it out here.)

Featured image: San Francisco, California. (Life’s Weird – Part 4)

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Life’s Weird – Part 2

It’s amazing how easy it is for me to get stuck in a rut after a while. It’s not difficult for me to spend an entire week with each day feeling basically the same. Wake up, get ready for work, drive to work, work on the same project as the day before and then head home. The next day starting and ending with similar occurrences, leaving me with similar feelings. And I don’t mean in a bad way, just the same.

The weird part is no day is ever the same. I’ll never experience the same day twice, none of us will, but our mind can sometimes make us feel as though we do – or at least mine does.

Today was one of those days.

I got out of bed at the same time I do every Monday. Another week starting the same way. Another day starting earlier than I’d like. Another day getting ready as politely and quietly as I can – my wife and I aren’t morning people.

Except today was different.

The next step is usually a quick kiss goodbye and a walk out to my truck to leave just a few minutes before her. But today there was no kiss goodbye. Today we walked out the front door together, we both got in her car and we left to go to her work at the hospital – except today wasn’t work, we were headed to my first MRI. It’s amazing that somehow this felt normal, like the everyday routine, and I am blessed that it did. It made today so much easier.

Life’s weird – that routine feeling that often annoyed me just months ago is what made today so much better.

Featured image: South Beach, Point Reyes National Seashore, California. (Life’s Weird – Part 3)

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Life’s Weird – Part 1

I started this version of bradwester.com roughly 8 months ago. It is amazing how much can change in that amount of time. I’ve tried to share some of the changes along the way, but sometimes it’s difficult to really notice them as they’re happening.

I started this site just for me, and it remains that way. It is an easy place to write, it is impossible to lose like a notebook and I can always write a few notes down no matter where I am – even if it’s just through my phone. My idea was simple, just write things down now and then. Keep track of how things I enjoy and things I don’t and figure out more about myself — how can I be happier, how can I be nicer, what inspires me, what makes me a better person, etc.

I’m a digital marketing nerd, so I decided to attack self-awareness the way I attack most things – build a website, create content and write for your audience (which in this case is really just me). I decided to share my thoughts along the way publically. Ideally, I hope my thoughts can help someone else in some way – but if not that’s okay. It is still easier to write about my nerdy thoughts than it is to annoy all my friends by talking about them all the time.

So, here we are, roughly 8 months later.

If you would have asked me what has changed and what I’ve learned a few weeks ago, I would have said not much. But honestly, that’s not true. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past few months and maybe even changed a little along the way.

One thing that has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks is God. In previous posts, I’ve mentioned that I went on a retreat several months ago. You may remember me mentioning that I really didn’t want to go, and to be honest I almost didn’t show up that morning when it started. I left the weekend retreat feeling better about my faith, but far from strongly. The only thing I agreed to was to be open to what God may want from me. That led me to agree to be on the team to host the next weekend retreat – which just finished up a few weeks ago.

I can honestly say that just simply saying yes was the best thing I could have done.

Life’s weird – sometimes I’ll be asked to do something I really don’t want to do, but it will end up being the thing I need most.

Featured image from Point Reyes National Seashore, California. The world is a beautiful place. (Life’s Weird – Part 2)

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I’ve Been Quiet, Here’s What I’ve Been Up To

Let’s keep this quick.

New Focus

What I was doing, with all the best intentions (but failing).

  • Saying yes too often.
  • Feeling guilty when saying no.
  • Spreading myself too thin. (At the expense of myself and the ones I love.)
  • Trying to compartmentalize my life.

What I am doing, successfully.

  • Eliminating things that don’t matter, don’t produce results or don’t make me happy.
  • Combining parts of my life that overlap.
  • Redefining goals.
  • Building my faith.
  • Focusing on the long-game.
  • Tracking personal growth.

I know who I want to be, and I know that I’m not that person today. At the end of the day, if I’m closer to being the person I want to be than I was yesterday, It’s a good day.

New Job

I’m working with my family at R. M. Wester & Associates, Inc. I have a job title, but here’s some of what I do in no particular order.

  • Build and maintain websites (yes, multiple. At this point there’s 3) that allows potential clients to find us, learn about us, and discover how we can help them.
  • Implement new technology in the office to help us work more efficiently as a team.
  • Fully integrate our marketing and project scheduling efforts so they become one. Then automate it.
  • Desktop support.
  • Redesign our current and previous client databases to be easily accessed and sorted.
  • Create and execute marketing campaigns that get the phone to ring and the front door open.

Other Things That Fill Up My Day

Contract Work

Outside of the full-time job, I am still running St. Louis Social Media Consultants, but I’m more selective with the clients I take on. My time is more limited, and my current ideal client is looking for strategy and training, but not the daily implementation.

New Hobby

I’m learning more about photography and videography, and absolutely love it. It’s become my new passion. It’s creative, it keeps me moving and it incredibly important for digital marketing. Mostly, I take photos and videos that my wife, Nicki, uses on her blog Scrumptious.Style. Speaking of her blog, go read it and like her page on Facebook.

Since this is a random post with several updates and no focus point, I’ll add in one of my photos as the featured photo (above the post).

Snapchat Geofilters

Together, my wife and I just launched a new service that we both sell from different angles. We now create Custom Snapchat Geofilters. Currently, we’re focused on personal use Geofilters for weddings, bachelorette parties, birthdays or other fun events. Nicki sells her wedding Geofilter designs on her Etsy page. They’re inexpensive, $10. All you have to do is find the design you like and let her know what you’d like it to say. Then you get the file emailed to you and you upload it to Snapchat and set your time, date and location and you pay the Snapchat fees. Nicki’s target audience are people just like you, the couple getting married or hosting the event. She’s on the business to consumer (B2C) side.

I sell the same Geofilter designs. The only difference is they cost $35, and I upload them for you and my price already includes the Snapchat fees. My target audience is event service businesses. I sell to wedding photographers, venues, and the like. They can then include it in their service packages, and even charge more for it if they’d like. I’m on the business to business (B2B) side.

Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP)

In early spring, I attended the Christ Renews His Parish retreat at Sacred Heart in Florissant. To be honest, at the end of the weekend retreat, I didn’t feel as though I got much out of it. However it was the spark that started the fire, it was a slow burn that got more powerful as time went on. I promised myself I would be open to God when He asked something of me. So when I was asked to help host the next CRHP weekend, I accepted and have been helping plan the next weekend, which will be in mid-September.

 

 

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My Life At A Tech Startup

Waking up in the morning isn’t too bad. Yes, it’s early, but I don’t have to worry about putting on a suit. My jeans, t-shirt and company branded zip-up hoodie are perfectly acceptable. Somedays the traffic gets to me, and I arrive at work frustrated, but most days a quick perspective check makes the drive enjoyable.

I drive through downtown Clayton, past the government buildings, large corporations, banking offices and seemingly endless law firms. I turn on Carondelet and look down the street lined with tall brick buildings. At the end of the block, there’s The Ritz-Carlton with beautiful landscaping and fountains in front of it. My building is on the right, just before The Ritz. I turn into our building, driving right into our garage, avoiding the typical hassle of trying to find parking in downtown Clayton.

We have a reputation in the building. Maybe it’s because we wear super casual clothes in a building full of suits. It also could be that the other company on our floor can hear us playing pool. …and showing up with coolers full of beer at 8 AM when we had our company picnic probably didn’t help us fit in either. Before you start judging us, let me explain that one. We had a softball tournament after lunch at the park down the street. The coolers stayed closed until we were at the fields that afternoon. So yes, we stand out, and the side-eye in the elevator is always entertaining.

A quick scan of my keycard on the 12th floor and I’m in our kitchen. The kitchen is stocked with cereal, chips, candy, all kinds of snacks and about 7 different ways to make coffee. I still only know how to use one of them.

The quickest way to my desk is to cut through the lounge, past the large TV hooked up with a Xbox One and Wii U, the foosball table, pool table, arcade games even a candy claw machine. Oh and there’s usually a few Razor scooters sitting around in there too. They’re not used as much as you’d think. While they make getting to meetings more fun, it’s incredibly difficult to ride one with a laptop in hand. Still, it’s not uncommon to see a VP challenging others to race around the office on Friday afternoons. It’s a fun environment to work in, and surprisingly productive.

Multiple computer monitors sit on each desk, and not much else. It’s a tech startup, so there’s rarely a need to actually write. A few weeks after I started, we were asked to bring a pen and paper to a meeting. I had to ask to borrow a pen; it was like being in high school again. Overconfident, underprepared.

Oh, and the pen and paper weren’t even needed directly for work – just for a quick game after our weekly team meeting. We usually play a quick 10 minute game of Pictionary, Hangman or Heads Up but we mixed it up that day. Whoever loses the game has to take notes the following week, but they also get to choose the game for the next meeting.

Outside of the games, we did get a lot of work done. Our 13 entertainment websites were viewed by over 120 million unique users each month, generating 600 million monthly page views and over 4 billion monthly ad impressions.

Did you notice the change of tense in that last paragraph? It was intentional. That was my life at a tech startup, and now I’m on my way to my next challenge.

Last week I was asked to join the CEO in a small conference room. He explained that layoffs were needed, and unfortunately, it was my last day with Gateway Media.

This isn’t a shame on them post. The digital publishing industry is tough, and that can clearly be seen through similar stories in recent months. Mashable, BuzzFeed, Gawker, Huffington Post and many others have also had to make tough decisions and change their strategy to maintain success.

The leadership at Gateway Media has a record of being extraordinarily talented at identifying new trends and opportunities for growth. Yet sometimes layoffs are still unavoidable. Sometimes a new direction is needed, and the company has to limit risk and be flexible during a transition. That’s business, that’s startups, that’s life. (This is my opinion, not anyone else’s.)

Working at Gateway Media was a great experience. I had the opportunity to learn a lot, test my knowledge and work alongside some unbelievably talented coworkers. I left with no ill will towards anyone and I truly hope to see Gateway Media continue to succeed.

 

Life Goal:
Work at a tech startup.

 

Thank you, Gateway.

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Happiness And Success

Last week I listened to an intriguing interview with Dr. Emma Seppälä, the author of The Happiness Track. The interview covered data-driven insights into how our overextension is hindering our success, and how cultivating happiness can drive our achievement. Yes, you read that correctly.

Data suggests that happiness may drive success, not the other way around.

I’m guilty of thinking that success, whatever that word may mean, will lead to happiness. It is easy to believe that you must be successful to be happy, but the data suggesting that happiness leads to success is compelling. Naturally, I want both, happiness and success – so maybe I need to follow Dr. Seppälä’s research and focus on happiness first.

I’m going to give it a try. I’m a big fan of writing for self-reflection, so I’ll start with making a list of things that make me happy. Step two will be trying to determine what success means to me, and I have a feeling that will be difficult. In the meantime, I’m going to attempt to follow Dr. Emma Seppälä’s six steps to happiness and success.

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The Real Reason Watching The Clock Sucks

How often do you find yourself watching the clock at work? Every few days when the dull tasks come along? Once a day when your energy starts to dip? Every minute of every day? Hopefully not – it sucks. Watching the clock brings down my mood and makes the day move by so slow that I think my watch battery died.

When I’m watching the clock, I’m completely restless. I am constantly moving in my chair, bouncing my legs and thinking of how great it will feel to be grabbing my coat and heading out of the office door. The worst part is when that time comes – it doesn’t feel great. In fact, it usually sucks.

It sucks because I realize how much of my life I am wasting, or at least wishing away.

The thought that usually follows this realization is, “I wish I could spend more time doing things that I truly love.” After thinking this a few times, I did the math. How much time do I have to dedicate to what I love? Not much. At least not a whole lot during the work week.

I try to sleep 7 hours a night. I’ve struggled with insomnia in the past, so now that I’m sleeping fairly well I take advantage of it. I wake up at 6:30 AM to get ready for work, and I leave just before 7:30 AM. A 30-minute commute to the office, followed by work for 9 hours, and another 30-minute commute home. That leaves me with 6 hours to have dinner, do some laundry, mow the grass, etc. It’s not hard to see how quickly mandatory tasks like these take over those 6 hours.

Yeah, it can be depressing at times but with some scheduling and prioritizing, it’s not too bad. What I find truly worrisome is how to balance all of that in the future, when I’m starting a family. At most, I’ll have 6 or so hours a day to split between mandatory tasks and spending time with my family – that sucks.

Maybe the next steps in my career should involve a more flexible schedule, the ability to work from home or ideally some form of passive income. Or maybe I just need to suck it up and stop watching the clock.

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PRSA St. Louis Career Development Day – Building Momentum

In April of 2013, I attended my first social media conference, Social Fresh. Attending the conference was an incredible experience and at the end of the two-day event, I remember thinking about how fun it must be to speak at conferences. I decided to make it one of my personal goals.

Just under a year ago, I nervously spoke at my first digital marketing conference, WordCamp. Shortly after, I was asked to be the social media marketing speaker at a real estate conference. I was so excited to have the opportunity to speak again. Unfortunately, the date conflicted with another larger opportunity, starting a new full-time position. I was disappointed that I was unable to speak at the event and naively worried that the small momentum of speaking opportunities I had would quickly halt.

Starting my full-time position, without a doubt, slowed the momentum I had on a lot of projects and personal goals. My calendar started to fill and my schedule quickly became more strict. I adapted to my new schedule and started working on my personal goals again, starting with the small and easy to accomplish. It took me several months, but I feel as though I’m building momentum again.

Not only does professional development play a large role in all careers, it also is the foundation for many of my personal goals. This Friday, February 26, is Career Development Day for PRSA St. Louis. I wanted to attend, so I started planning to take the day off work and it’s a good thing I did because I’ve since been asked to be on the young professionals panel.

Lately, I’ve been all about momentum because it is easier to keep moving than to start again if you stop. I’m really looking forward to being a part of this panel, and to keep building momentum to achieve my goals.

It’s short notice, but I’d like to invite you to join me and many others at PRSA St. Louis Career Development Day. Unfortunately, there’s only one day left to register. If you can’t join us in person, be sure to follow along on Twitter, #PRSASTLCD.

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