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Why I Film Myself Working

If you follow me on Facebook (or Snapchat: wester_brad) you may know that I’ve started to film myself working, but you probably don’t really know why.

I am a marketer and it is great for marketing and branding.

Vlogging is great for marketing. It’s easier to document what you’re doing and show people than it is to write full articles explaining what you’re doing, why you are doing it and how they can do the same. Writing that all out takes a lot of time, so if you’re looking to save time – film yourself. Video content is also very powerful on your website and throughout all social networks, but it is especially powerful right now on Facebook.

I wanted to learn how to take and edit video.

I’ve been working with cameras and editing photos and video since high school. I really enjoy it, but I am not that great at it. I used to think because I could do it, I knew what I was doing – at least the basics. …then I met professionals – people who film and edit video for ESPN, marketing agencies, freelancers, etc. I quickly realized I knew NOTHING when compared to them. I learn by doing, so I decided I need to film and edit a lot more video, and I’m always watching and learning from others.

But the real reason I film myself each week is so I can watch myself work.

Sounds weird, right? …well I have a good reason. And no, I’m not trying to be the next Gary Vaynerchuk (Follow him though!)

While filming myself each week does give me an opportunity to improve my filming and editing skills and the videos do help me with marketing – these aren’t the reasons I do it.

I simply get to see myself working – and that’s awesome.

6 months ago (almost to the day) I was walking into the hospital for my second brain biopsy. 6 months ago I was unable to read. 6 months ago I was frequently struggling to carry on normal conversations and was often using the wrong words and didn’t even realize it.

Today, I’m able to read. I’m able to carry on conversations much better than I have been able to in 9+ months. I’m driving myself again. I’m back at work. I’m so much better than I was a few months ago and every video is a reminder of that.

I’m not back to “normal” – to where I was before my neuro issues began. And I won’t ever be exactly back to that same spot. Portions of my brain have been damaged and have “died”. That means it is expected that I won’t ever have 100% of my abilities back – but that won’t stop me from living the life I want to. I just need to make some adjustments.

My most common struggle is simply using the correct words when speaking. I’m getting better with it. I’m paying closer attention to when it happens and trying to identify if there are triggers that commonly cause the issue. I’m also testing myself and seeing what I can do to help myself improve and be able to recover from situations when I begin to struggle with using the correct words.

Filming myself working gives me the opportunity to watch and learn while I go through this process of retraining my brain.

Back in February, I shared an Instagram post mentioning that I was looking forward to speaking at digital marketing events again. Over the past few months, I’ve been honored to have been offered the opportunity to speak at a few different events – some of which would even be paid speaking opportunities. I’ve turned all of them down. I simply don’t feel ready for that yet. I’m always nervous before speaking events, and now I’m scared.

 

I’m scared because I know some of what triggers the neurological issues I have, and let’s just say speaking at an event would hit several of them. Especially triggers that often leave me struggling to use the correct words when speaking. Having an issue speaking, while being a speaker at an event terrifies me – but that won’t stop me.

Fear can feel strong, but I believe we are all stronger.

I’m not going to let my fear stop me from doing what I want to do. I was scared to start speaking, but I gave it a shot and started despite my fear. I didn’t let fear keep me from starting, I’m not going to let it stop me either. So I’m preparing. I’m testing my abilities and getting myself ready. I don’t know when it’ll be or what I’ll be speaking about, but I will be speaking at events again – soon. I don’t plan on letting fear think it’s willing by waiting too long.

So, for now, I’m filming. I’m seeing how I do, how I am improving, identifying my struggles and working on solving them. I don’t need to be perfect, I never will be. I just want to be more prepared than I am today. It’s like athletes watching game film – it helps you learn so you can be better.

Fear won’t win. 

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Chemotherapy – Round 4 – Thinking Long Term

This week started off with my fourth round of chemo on Monday and Tuesday, and the rest of the week has been my needed recovery time.

Each chemo treatment has been very similar for me. I head down to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in the morning, get checked into a room, talk with a few doctors, and then start receiving the treatment by IV which takes between 16 to 18 hours to receive.

Those 16 to 18 hours are tough. I feel fine physically, the sick feelings come later. During those hours it’s tough mentally.

It’s a lot of time sitting and thinking. I spend a lot of time wondering if the treatment is really working. Will this get me back to normal? The answer is complicated and unknown. Yes, the treatment is working. I know this because I’m able to read again, my headaches are much less (although currently coming back, but we don’t know if it’s connected yet), and mentally I’m improving greatly each month.

My abilities are coming back, but will I be back to normal? Will I be back to the way I was before? No.

I’ll always be concerned with having CNS-vasculitis flare-ups, which can lead to starting this treatment from the beginning again. Part of my brain was damaged. Some of it is healing, but a small area is damaged enough to be “dead” — and we still don’t know how much of my brain will/will not recover.

These are just a few of thoughts that start pushing their way through my mind when I’m “trapped” getting treatment. I’m not really trapped, but it can feel like it when I am hooked up to so many wires and IV’s. Moving around is quite complicated and I have to keep my arms fairly straight and resist moving them around too much. If I move or bend my arms, my infusion pump will run into errors and start beeping. It’s loud, annoying and each time it runs into trouble it slows my treatment down. My 16-18 hours of treatment can quickly grow to 17-19 hours or even longer.

It’s a lot. It’s a long day(s). It isn’t easy.

It isn’t easy, and I can’t always do it, but my goal is to have a smile on my face the whole time. There’s no reason for me not to. I just mentioned the reasons why it’s a tough day(s), and it is – but I’m lucky to be going through it.

Not long ago, we (including many different doctors) were thinking I most likely had a cancerous brain tumor that would take my life in a few months to a few years. It’s not that! I’m going through chemotherapy treatments, but it’s not fighting to extend life. I’m getting treatment for an autoimmune disease that shouldn’t have an effect on my life expectancy.

Chemo isn’t fun, it’s tough – but staying positive is easy when I think long term instead of short term.

I’m not saying it’s easy to stay positive, it’s not. I’m saying it’s easy to be positive when thinking long term. If I allow short term thinking to control my mind, it’s easy to become frustrated and dread the treatment. It takes so long. It involves needles. It leaves me feeling sick for many days. It takes all my physical energy away for over a week and a half. It stops me from doing the things I would rather do. It stops me from working. The list can go on and on.

If I focus long term, it’s hard to be anything but happy. I’m getting a treatment that will make my life better. The treatment is only once a month. It makes me feel sick and takes my energy down for a week or more each month — that leaves me with almost 3 weeks of feeling better and able to do more of what I like to do each month. Each month, my health improves even if it doesn’t feel like. There’s an endless amount of things to feel positive about and will make me smile. But I only need one thought… I’m getting a treatment that makes life better — a life I get with my wife, with my family, with my friends. I’m more than happy to go through the uncomfortable, exhausting and at times painful feelings of the treatments for that.

That’s an easy choice to make, that’s easy to happy about.

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